I'm so sorry that you got the shittiest version of me possible, you got stuck with all the abandonment and trust issues that the other men before you left. You pulled the shortest straw in a situation that you could never control, I will second guess you, I will check your phone and your messages, I will let my insecurities get the best of me and become a miserable wreck of a mess at times. I will be awkward on our first date, and be embarrassed when you compliment me, I will probably still jump at a raise of your arm when you go to put it around me. I will be so insecure with my kisses that you most likely will not receive one until later in the relationship. I cannot open myself up to you, I will feel like my insecurities and battles of depression will push you away, I will play mind games and maybe even get backs at first to cover up my fear of you leaving. Deep down I will debate with myself if I even really love you, I will be madly in love with you one day and then the next not return your phone calls because my mind and anxiety make me that way. I will obsess over not hearing from you when you do it to me though. The smallest white lie will be a big deal for me to get over because I have been lied to so much. Every time a man told me they loved me and would never leave , they left. So be prepared for your feelings to be hesitantly accepted. I no longer believe in words, because a person can say one thing in a moment and be what they feel but in the next feel and do something completely different. I have became introverted with my years and have learned to not allow others into my heart nor my mind, so it will be difficult for me to put into words exactly how I feel. I will also turn my pain and sadness into anger and probably say some hurtful things that I don't necessarily mean. My depression will throw me into cycles of being completely happy, fun going and affectionate one day, then to being extremely miserable , self destructing the next.. You will need to accept that. I will tell you to get away from me and to leave me, what I need from you at this time will be you to hug me tight and to not leave my side... This is very important. It will take months for me to warm up to you and to allow you to touch me, I hope you understand. If at some time you manage to get me to live outside of my head for even a couple moments you will see that I am not all that bad. I am a good person, I have been through a lot as a child and as an adult. I try to improve myself daily, I also try to self reflect, I will try to eventually open up to you, but even then I will have fears of giving you that much control over me.. Showing you my emotions is a big step for me. I will try to love you in the little things that I do, I will try to think of you more and my self less, I will be the most loyal and faithful person you have ever met if we can work through my issues together.. It will be a slow process and I'm sure many times one or both of us will feel like giving up but it will be worth it. I was not always like this, I use to be happy and I use to have faith in love, and in people. I use to love with every bit of my heart until it started being to hard to pick up the pieces after they left. Communication is what my mind needs most to keep the noise down, I need you to talk to me, to be honestly painfully blunt with me. Please never hurt me with the silent treatment, this will break me in ways you will never understand. I will need you to show me that you care even in the smallest details, ask me about my childhood, ask me to tell you stories of events that happened in my life, it may not seem like much but I need to know your interested in my past, as well as my future. I need to know that you interested in my soul, and my mind not just my body. Speaking of body, prepared for me to be extremely insecure when it comes to that. I will hopefully eventually get over this detail. I know that I come with a lot of baggage and a lot of issues, but my love will be the most pure. My eyes will only look at you, my body will only crave you, my heart will only yearn for you. I will look at you for my strength and for my comfort, I will look at you as my home.





Love Always, A wife battling depression.

I have answered a lot of questions related to my spirituality lately,
and in a sense I still feel misunderstood. I have been on an
enlightenment over the last year in which I did study other
religions, I looked for answers in an unusual way, and I came
across something amazing. Christianity ( baptist, Jewish, aristotle, and ect.) as a whole inspires fear of god, fear of individuality, and in a lot of cases hate. People become so close minded in their religion that they honestly believe all other religions are wrong, other beliefs are invalid and completely close off the option of envolving.
This is the reason there is so much fear in the gay community, the wiccan community and so forth, because it is different than one believes in it is labeled as 
an abomination. What I have found is that out of every religion in my eyes there is one truth, and that truth is that we do have a creator, this entire universe came from something. Different than Christianity though I believe in the opposite effect, I believe that in order to know ones creator one must first know love not hate. In my studies I have found that every single living thing on this planet is linked to love. I do not believe the way to "heaven" is by following the ten commandments, and I do not believe in hell. I believe in a personal hell in which a soul places its self. As far as the creator goes I believe he/she is a love being, meaning that instead of being fearful of him/her all they request is love thy self, love thy neighbor, love thy living. I have left my Christian ways and transferred my believes to more of a Wiccan believe because I do believe that everything on this planet is linked , I believe in sending energies to the universe and I believe in self allowance for positive and negative effects. I believe in the power of energy healing, Stones, herbs, and even spells.
I know that anything that I send out to the universe will come back to me three times fold, therefore I am disciplined enough to only send out positive and love.
I believe in spirits, aliens, and many other "imaginary" beings.
I believe in the power of my own mind, I believe that if I want something I can 
make it happen, I believe that I myself am a god and have all the powers as such.

Hello World,

    Sorry for the constant hiding behind my workload but things have been a bit overwhelming.
I am doing great though and as far as my mothers health, she is doing good as well.
Honestly the only thing I have to complain about is the cold weather that is setting in (BURRR).
Other than updating I just wanted to write and get some of my readers opinions on a couple of matters.
Do you guys think that their is such a thing as OVERWORKED? 
I know that 99% of people view success by the total in their bank account, but what ever happened to a 
good work-life balance? Money is pointless if its never used.
Also, Do you think that the the quality of your work depends on your salary?

IamChiannexoxo

Hello Friends, I hope all is well:)
I know this post in loooonnnnggg overdue and I apologize for that but I'm going to be bringing you guys something a little different than what I usually do.
I am known for doing interviews as well as music reviews but I decided to switch things
up a tad bit and collaborate with a couple of amazing inventor's to bring you all a list of some wonderful and affordable products that I fell in love with.

Lets start off with the Tenaase (pronounced Ten-Na-See) antibacterial bamboo steam room & sauna mat- 
Although I just call it HEAVEN , for all intensive purposes I'll refer to it as Tenaase. I spoke to the company a little over 2 months ago and finally received my Mat, I was a little late using it because my spa days are far and few in between, however; I fell in love with this product instantly.  It is very light -weight and easy to pack or carry in a bag, I also loved how soft it was. From the first moment I unrolled the Tenaase to now (3 washes later) it works just as awesome as the first use! which means YES, it is machine washable:) Another cool feature of the Tenaase is how hygienic it is, I am a nursing student and believe me when I say I know what creeps around from person to person (yuck!) but with the Tenaase being antibacterial I don't have to worry while being at the spa and I can finally relax! All together I absolutley love this product and it is something that I will and DO use everytime I go to the spa or sauna room:)
The only thing that I can say that needs improved on is the color choices, I would love to have the choice of a pink Tenaase:)
 
Get your Tenaase today at http://www.tenaase.com/
and tell them I referred you:)


IamChiannexoxo

My readers know how inspired I am by music and the questions that I'm hearing a lot is who is my favorite artist? To be truthful I do love some mainstream artist , but I support local and youtube artist's as well. Upcoming artist's are the best in my eyes. I have followed these people for awhile and I love their work and how they are. 

Carmen Amare -  I love her originality and her realness. @Carmen_Amare 
     ------- Favorites ------------
http://youtu.be/E0-joYyd4Mk  (We made it)
http://youtu.be/Sh_VMgcTcGc (Cupid freestyle)

Ash Kardash- The definition of a badbitch.   @Sincerely_AK
     ----------- Favorites ----------- (COVERS)
http://youtu.be/Skp5EJEm8HM (Diced Pineapples)
http://youtu.be/7BJ8GNgnElM (Dudes love Jay-Z)
http://youtu.be/h_3A-zKQsSM (Same Game)

Precious Thornton - I have only found one video of her rapping but it's the shit.
    -----------Favorite-----------------
http://youtu.be/xqE3Km-ow_M (Female Webbie)

Don Dada - I have not heard much of his music but he kills it in My Life.
   ---------- Favorite------------
http://youtu.be/mYZjtEmg3L0 (Letter To God- My Life)
http://youtu.be/PxeDKqKHSRM (Sitting Sideways)

Domo Wilson - She is just funny af , when I have a bad day she keeps me rolling.  @DomoWilson1
 ------------Favorite-------------(SomeCovers)
http://youtu.be/UOVrxbWLhL4?list=PLzUN5DzK9vlvft9QWvrmpsNCa2GKYU8MF (ForYou)
http://youtu.be/xFAfdllHodQ?list=PLzUN5DzK9vlvft9QWvrmpsNCa2GKYU8MF (Loyal) - Shes just messing around with this song but I love her guitar skills & its cute:)

Deztini Farinas - Shes been through some shit, but shes got skill. @DeztiniMusic
 ---------- Favorite---------- (SomeCovers)
http://youtu.be/q-mScJ9izqg (Independent Queen)


I hope you all can enjoy the music of my favorite artist as much as I do:)
I tried to provide all links as well as twitter names.

IAmChiannexoxo

The way the world views being a twenty-something is entirely different than what it is actually being a twenty-something. The world assumes that we are young emerging adult’s and for the most part that may be true, what they don’t know is that we are just as lost at twenty-something as what we were at 13 ( hopefully with a  better fashion sense though).  


I have learned a lot already about myself and life and I am only two years into being a twenty-something, I am sure that most of my fellow generation can agree with me.


1.) Being in our twenties we find out a lot of things. We finally realize that our family is not perfect and even our mother's and father's don't have all the answers and chances are they never did. When we were younger is seemed at a certain age the wisdom of the world was given to adults. Truth is they are just as confused as we are, they are trying to survive the best way they know how and half the time they just fake it till they make it too. We learn that our parents screw up just as much as we do, our siblings actually become our friends, and  we have a new found respect for our fellow adults who are trying to figure out what the hell is going on just like us.
2.) We also learn that we know absolutely nothing about everything, but in a weird twisted way we are opinionated on every aspect. Twenties are where our backbone truly develops and our views on topics are firmly rooted. We learn what we support and what we are against, and we now have the balls to stand up for our beliefs. We are not in high school anymore (hopefully not) and we have taught ourselves to not let others opinions affect our own. We became blunt and painfully honest with our views and we refuse to be shaken. 
3.) We understand that our future's are important and we know that we need to make smart career moves while continuing our education. We know that money runs the world and in order to have a stable life we have to make a rather decent amount of income... WE GET ALL THAT. We honestly just don't care, we have seen our parents work a 9-5 for all of our lives, we have seen the misery that comes along with working a job that we hate. We know the struggle of waking up every day to go to an office and stare at a computer doing meaningless work for 8 hours. The earlier generations lived differently than us they married younger, had children sooner and mainly just worked jobs that would support their families. We refuse to settle. We do not want jobs we want careers. We do not want to stay in the same town we were born in, we want to travel. We want to see the world and all its glory. We want to do photography, modeling, writing or even graphic design. We as twenty-somethings want to make a difference in the world, we want to pack in as much excitement in our lives as we can because we understand that we only get to live once. We have learned in our twenties to become free spirited and  non- judgemental. We have learnt to accept others and their flaws, as well as their hopes and dreams. We push ourselves and other's, we are the definition of ambitious. We finally understand that the sky is not the limit, because we can go further.


IamChianne xoxo

For anyone who has the balls to say that nursing school is NOT hard, is a flat out Liar. 
I am attacked (YES, ATTACKED) by exams, due dates, essays and homework, have I mentioned this is only my second week back? The struggle is real. Besides nursing school exhausting me and working 40hours plus a week , I can't really complain because life is good. Hope all is well for all you amazing readers:)

This may seem a tad bit contradicting but I must admit that even though all is decently well, I'm feeling out of place and unsupported. Not to say unsupported in the sense of my amazing readers, but more as in family and friends on the home-front and basically society.

I'm not exactly sure if I am battling with a hint of depression or if I am just extremely exhausted and sleep deprived. 


I do however have my health, and my sanity for the time being. Asking for prayers and wishful thoughts forever and always, and maybe some tips on surviving nursing school and dealing with loneliness and depression.

I promise something of more value soon:)

Love always,
IamChiannexoxo

This post is going to be short, sweet and to the point and it's not because I don't love communicating with my AMAZING readers because I do! This week has just been crazy with work, and school starting back and I bought a new car so I have been running around like a crazy women.. 
Most of my readers have been asking me the same question, "How do you direct traffic to your blog?" 
So I decided I would make a post giving the background history on why I even started blogging and tips on how to attract more viewers and potentially returning readers. First and foremost, Welcome to the blogging community to all the newcomers:) 

Most of you may know, I started this blog because I had a severe case of writers block while writing my book, and I'm still stuck on the ladder stages to be honest. Blogging helps to get the creative juices flowing, also while building your fan-base it's the best of both worlds.

When I started this blog, I knew that it was pointless to write to myself, I wanted as many people to see it as possible not because I wanted everyone to agree with my thoughts or opinions but because I wanted the exact opposite I WANTED FEEDBACK FROM EVERY POINT OF VIEW on subjects and issues that was important to me. Here is some of the best advice I can give my fellow bloggers on bringing in viewers and gaining loyal readers.

1.) Make your blog appealing (Pictures, Bio, Background) 
People are more likely to read your post, if they get a good vibe from your page.
2.) Make your blog front readable! Nobody will take the time to look past the first sentence if 
it takes them 20 minutes to read a word because of the crazy cursive you decided on.
3.) Be as honest as you can with WHATEVER subject you write on, your readers need to 
know you on the same level your friends do. 
4.) Before you release your blog have a few post already wrote (It makes the reader spend more time 
on your page, and they may even decide to return to it) 
5.) Know the difference between viewers and readers, 
Viewers are people who you attract to become readers.
6.) Interact with your readers
7.) NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK!! The more you network the more you get
your blog out in the open and the more people that see it the more viewers you get and the more viewers you
get the more readers you will have!! (get my point?!)
8.) Have a twitter, facebook or any social media site dedicated to your blog, and stay on top of 
interactions, and new post updates and NETWORK YOUR WRITING! (It does wonders)
One twitter post, can generate me 400+ views and atleast 100 readers... but it wasnt always like that
I had to build up to that point.
9.) Dont expect every person to agree with your opinion or even like your writing! I promise it wont happen. ( For every good feedback I still get negative ones as well) Brush it OFF!
10.) The blogging/ writing community is one of the best I have ever seen, we support each other
like it's our jobs! Show support and get support, its honestly that simple!

Good-luck to you, and your blogs! I hope to hear from all of you 
if its an email or even just on twitter, I would LOVE to read new posts!

IamChianne xoxo

[email protected]
@_IamChianne_